Complete
by duathkaimelar
Summary: With the lives of his family changing, Frasier has been feeling abandoned and strangely empty. A phone call from Lilith helps him to realize what he's been wanting all along, but taking the chance is something else entirely.


**Complete  
duathkaimelar**

**Disclaimer:** Frasier and all the characters/episodes/quotes within belong to Paramount Pictures. I own nothing here. Not even the plot. The muses have rightful claim over that.  
**Pairing:** Frasier/Lilith implied  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** Spoilers for the last few episodes of Season 11.  
**Author's Notes:** Set during Season 11.  
**Beta:** Done by Dulcey. Thanks so much!  
As always, please, please review!  
**  
Complete**

He'd been feeling depressed ever since his father and Ronnie had become engaged.

As much as he wished otherwise, he could place no complicated word, no complex psychological theory or diagnosis to his feelings.

It was depression and jealousy, and nothing more.

Daphne's pregnancy hadn't left him feeling this way, though it might have been expected. Her pregnancy had left him with feelings of nostalgia and an intense desire to see Frederick, to be able to wake up every morning and see his son. These feelings did not leave him quickly, but he eventually grew to live with them as they were overshadowed by his mutual excitement for the baby.

Daphne was moodier than usual during those long nine months, Niles was constantly more anxious (if that was indeed possible), and an aura of change loomed around them at all moments, but none of this was extreme to Frasier. It was predictable. It was normal, and it his mind life had progressed normally to him after Daphne's announcement.

His father's engagement to Ronnie was…different.

At first, he could not understand why the announcement had left him feeling bitterness and panic rather than the happiness and excitement he should have been feeling. Frasier, as a psychiatrist, knew how good it was that his father was beginning to move on from Hester after all those years.

It had taken longer than he would ever admit, but eventually he figured out the multiple reasons for his reaction.

After Niles and Daphne had married, he had not once thought that his position in Niles' life would change. Their relationship had only grown when he had moved to Seattle, even when Niles was still married to Maris. He was confident of his standing, and his confidence had not failed him – Niles had begun to spend more time with Daphne, as was to be expected, but their routines such as coffee, operas, and squash had not changed.

Perhaps it was for that reason that he did not overreact to the baby. He knew that Niles would be busier than he had been with the time came, but he also knew that his brother would always make time for him.

So there would perhaps be changes in his routine, but it was nothing major.

His father's engagement, however, meant major changes.

He did not lie to others when he told them he had grown accustomed to living with his father. It was true. Throughout the years he had developed a particular relationship with his father – something that he had with no one else. For all his criticism of his father's ways and ideals, he had always known that in the back of his mind the advice he was given was priceless, and more often than not advice he was wise to follow.

Someone had always been there on those nights he grew so lonely he felt he had fallen into a black hole with no escape route.

It was rare he would express his feelings to Martin in those cases, but getting up and walking to his door and hearing the older man's breathing had been enough. It had been enough to know he wasn't alone. Frasier put up a different front, but inside he was terrified of being left alone. He'd clung to who he could after his divorce. It had taken him so long to get where he was, to get over Lilith and be happy. Now his own father was in a sense abandoning him, and he was not sure he could handle it this time.

Perhaps it did not make sense that he felt as though his father had been taken away, even when he never thought that of Niles. Regardless, that was how he had the situation settled in his mind. He loved Ronnie and loved what she could do for his father, but the woman was taking away his security blanket.

Charlotte distracted him, for a while. Between the ridiculous dates that she set him up on, and then trying to win her over, he had believed there would be someone else to cling to in his moments of despair. When he returned home to find his father and Ronnie together, or returned home to hear his father rattle about the wedding, he would close his eyes and think of Charlotte and feel secure.

Strangely, it had not lasted. After the initial euphoria of being in a relationship with a woman he adored wore off, he was left once again with the same feelings of abandonment and emptiness. One can only cover a wound with a bandage for so long.

When Charlotte told him that she would be moving to Chicago, he tried to convince himself that the return of his negative feelings had simply been a bad feeling – a foreshadowing of sorts to Charlotte's departure.

When the feelings did not go away, no matter how much he talked to his father about seeing each other often and even after he discussed his feelings about his father and Charlotte with Niles, he was convinced that he had been right, that his feelings were a result of his depression over Charlotte.

After she left for Chicago, his desperation doubled within him. Someone he cared for had moved on, as his father would, and Niles and Daphne had…

At that point, he had been sure he had figured it out. He was feeling abandonment, panic, and fear of change over his father's engagement due to a fear of losing him. He had also been feeling left out – Niles and his father, who had been his entire life for so many years were both moving on. The hope within him of a true relationship had been lost when she moved. But he would sort through the anxiety, even with Charlotte, and get through it.

Yes, that was how he had it figured out.

The only problem was that this solution did not explain the urge that had overcome him one night shortly after his father's wedding night.

He had been reading an old favorite when something nagged at his insides. He had tried to ignore it, and when he could not, he attempted to satisfy the urge by going about his normal comfort routines. He poured himself a glass of sherry, pulled his favorite blanket around his shoulders, put a CD in the stereo, and even attempted to play the piano for a time. Nothing he did quelled the anxiety inside of him. Finally he had glanced at the phone and just _knew_. So he grabbed the phone without really comprehending it, dialed a very familiar phone number, and placed it to his ear.

It had not been until he had heard a greeting on the other line that he'd realized he had dialed Lilith's number.

His action confused him, which perhaps explained his awkwardness in his conversation with her at first. After a mention of his chess coach days she had made one of her usual snide remarks and he had laughed.

It was not until he hung up the phone that he realized with that single moment of laughter, his emptiness had been filled. He had forgotten, if only for the short time of their conversation, about his feelings of abandonment, about his fear of staying the same without anyone special while his family moved on.

And then there was her _name_. When she had cut the conversation short he had said, 'Goodbye, Lilith' and hung up the phone. Even as he contemplated the disappearance of his worries, the way her name rolled off his tongue and her laughter still lingered in his ears.

It did not make much sense to him, but he had felt complete for the first time in months after that conversation, as if he had finally come home after being left behind in a maze by Niles and Martin.

As always, he brushed it off and moved on. He called Bebe and took the San Francisco job almost on impulse, telling himself that he needed something new in his life that held true promise.

But the promise of an exciting new job in a new city did not fill the emptiness at all, and his mind kept returning to the sound of her laughter.

He'd been restless that night. Half the night he spent trying to come up with a logical reason to his reaction to Lilith, trying to convince himself he was attaching himself to her because she was familiar. He spent the other half of the night dreaming of her.

He awoke in the morning disgruntled and confused. His thoughts and emotions were a tight knot that twisted his heart and made him feel sick.

The phone rang as he headed to make himself some coffee.

"Hello?"

"_Frasier?"_

"Lilith? It's 8 in the morning, is everything all right?"

"_Yes, everything's fine. I felt bad for cutting you off last night. Are you feeling okay?"_

"What?"

"_You said you were feeling lonely."_

"Well, yes, I suppose I am. Niles and Daphne really are busy with the baby, and it's still awkward for me to be home alone and know that Dad won't be coming back here. I'm so used to him being here…and I feel-"

"_You feel abandoned, right?"_

There was no use trying to hide anything from her. "I-yes."

"_Don't worry, Frasier. Everything will work out for you just fine. I know you're used to your father being there, but you know that it's best to not depend on only him anyway. How long has it been since you've been in a relationship, Frasier?"_

"I-define relationship."

There was no response.

"I had been in one…she moved to Chicago less than a month ago."

"_Oh. I'm sorry."_

"Well, it's all right, I suppose."

"_How serious was it?"_

"We'd only been dating for a few months…"

"_Listen to me Frasier, you've got to do something for yourself. I don't need to tell you that you're afraid everyone will move on except you, leaving you alone in the past. Do something to bring new excitement into your life. A side job, exercise, a new girlfriend, anything."_

He didn't have the heart to tell her about San Francisco. Not just yet.

"I suppose you're right."

"_I can send Frederick_ _out for another visit soon, if you'd like."_

"I would love that, Lilith. We didn't get to do much together at Christmas…"

"_I did apologize for that."_

"It was still your fault."

"_It's my fault he went through some ridiculous teenage phase?"_

"It's your fault for not telling me."

"_Oh come now, Frasier. Judging from how you've been feeling lately, if I were you I would be thanking me for providing you with at least one new surprise in your life."_

He felt the smile that had been tugging at his lips spread across his face in a light chuckle.

"If that's how you want to see it."

"_Indeed."_

"I suppose you're right…I always do this, don't I?"

"_If you mean get so caught up in your routines that when an element of change presents itself you shut down, then yes. You will be fine. You always have been. I'm sure everything will be all right."_

"…Thank you, Lilith."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line.

"…_Always, Frasier."_

They sat in silence for a minute or two, until her voice cut through his thoughts once more.

"_I'm sorry, Frasier, but I'm going to have to cut you off again – Frederick_ _has a chess tournament in a few hours."_

"Oh, well, then I'll let you go. Tell him good luck for me."

"_I will."_

"Goodbye, Lilith."

"_Goodbye, Frasier."_

With that simple, classic goodbye, he had hung up the phone with the intention of making his coffee.

Instead he stood there with the phone in his hand.

"_Always, Frasier."_

No matter how hard he tried, he could not focus on anything but the tone of her voice when she spoke those words to him.

He tried to ignore the complete feeling rising within him, spreading throughout his being, ending only where his incoherency kicked in and he sat on his couch with his eyes closed, phone in his hand, her face flickering through his mind and her voice in his ears…

"_Always, Frasier."_

It was that night that he decided to go to Chicago.

-----------

He used Chicago as an excuse to not think about her. He did all he could to worry about finding an apartment, moving, confirming the job, and how he was going to tell his family. He did anything he could to keep his mind off Lilith.

Sometimes, his distraction methods worked. Most of the time, they did not. He was left with a jumble of emotions constantly constricting in his stomach, but even with that, he refused to address the problem.

He'd considered multiple things. He had come up with a variety of explanations and used each one in an attempt to convince himself he did not want Lilith.

He kept telling himself that he was feeling empty because he realized he needed something new in his life. Something _new_. He told himself that Lilith couldn't give him that, and even if she could, there was Charlotte to think about.

The one connection he never made was that more than needing a new chapter, the matter had more to do with something _missing_. In the back of his mind, he had known for years that something was missing.

Every time he had seen Lilith after the divorce he had felt complete for that moment, but after she had married Brian, he'd ignored the feeling. Since then it had never come up enough to distract him.

Not until now. Not until it was eleven years after their divorce and both of them were still alone and not truly happy, knowing all along that they needed to try and move on, but neither had ever been able to let go of each other. Not until she had called him and the simple sound of their laughter had made him feel at home and complete.

But that was the one connection Frasier had never made, so he convinced himself he was returning to an old reaction, to run to Lilith when in a situation that frightened him. This forced him to drop the matter.

There was Charlotte to think about, after all.

-----------

When he returned to his apartment after picking up some last-minute necessities a few days later, he saw the light blinking on his answering machine.

Frasier did not pack the phone away until later that night. He hadn't the heart to pack it away before then.

He walked over to the machine and pressed the 'play' button. He listened to a message left from Niles gushing over David, a message from his father complaining about the latest baseball game, and a message from someone at the station. He was ready to clear the messages when the last one rolled.

"_Frasier? I don't have much time right now, but Frederick_ _got a date on the chess finals, and he really wants you to come out and see him. I'm not sure of your schedule, so why don't you call me? I won't be available most of tomorrow, but if you call Friday night or Saturday I should be free to talk. Oh, and on that note – what is it, Frederick, I'm on the phone! … Oh, well, all right – sorry Frasier, I have to go. Please call me."_

As was apparently typical of him as of late, a particular part of her message stuck in his mind and forced itself into permanent repeat, temporarily clouding his thoughts.

"…_and he really wants you to come out and see him …"_

Even just hearing her voice shattered the delicate explanations and plans he had worked out, which was the last thing he wanted to happen. Even as he told himself he was going to ignore her, Frasier picked up the phone and turned it over. His fingers lingered over the first number.

He could go out to Boston for a week or so, spend some time with his son…with his _family_…

"…_Always, Frasier."_

He remembered what he had told his listeners on his last show.

"_I've been thinking about that poem a lot lately. And I think what it says is that, while it's tempting to play it safe, the more we're willing to risk, the more alive we are."_

Maybe he should…

He remembered the false sense of security he'd held with Charlotte, and how, in contrast, warmth and desire had risen within him with Lilith's reassurances; how, since then, the feeling of completeness that filled him whenever he thought of her had not left his being.

"_In the end, what we regret most are the chances we never took."_

No. He couldn't. He scolded himself for attempting to find excuses to not go to Chicago.

With the shake of his head he cleared the message, placed the phone back into the receiver, and went to finish his rounds.

-----------

When he landed in Chicago, he felt new. He felt free. He knew it was most likely the euphoria, but he didn't care.

He felt excited for once.

He wondered what he should do first. There was so much he could do. He could go see Charlotte, surprise her…he could walk to the location of his new job, walk around town, or simply find his apartment and begin making it his home.

Instead he placed his luggage on the ground, pulled out his cell phone, and pressed the 2 on his speed dial.

The answering machine picked up. He was relieved. He didn't know what he would have said if she had answered.

This, though…This he knew.

"I'm sorry."

He stood silent for a moment before pressing the end key and placing his phone back into his pocket.

The warmth that had spread through his being after the first call was gone, but so was the anxiety, so he figured he'd made the right decision after all.

-----------

Frasier had only brought two suitcases worth of luggage to Chicago with him when he flew there originally. When the rest of his furniture and boxes arrived, he began unpacking and organizing his apartment right away.

Anything to fill the void.

It wasn't until he opened the box with his photo albums and found a picture of them on their honeymoon that he allowed himself to question the conclusions he had come to. It wasn't until woke up in bed with Charlotte two weeks later and found himself wishing it was Lilith instead that he realized what he wanted.

He told himself it wouldn't be worth the risk.

He didn't believe that for a second.

Before he could give the thought serious consideration, the pure terror that had caused him to divorce her in the first place overtook his emotions.

As the day went on he pushed his feelings into a highly familiar repression and it seemed to work, but it would be months until her two simple words, spoken softly and sincerely, would flicker in his mind one last time before their pull on him was truly gone.

**End**


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